hard work and intense focus

Ever since I left my job I have struggled to work hard (as many of you have witnessed). I can think of a single exception, which is when I had to study for the GMAT over the course of a couple of weeks. Maybe this anomaly illuminates an underlying dynamic?

My GMAT study was highly structured (I followed an online plan), and I had an objective goal to work towards (achieve a high score). Maybe I just work well in highly structured environments?

To the contrary my job was not highly structured (what I chose to work on each day was entirely self-directed), yet I was still able to consistently work hard without external prodding (putting in 70 hour weeks when I could have skirted by with 50). Consequently I don’t think I REQUIRE a structured environment to work hard.

Maybe I rely on external accountability? At my job I wanted to produce quality work that reflected well on myself in the eyes of my team. I knew I was going to be asked daily questions about my analysis, and that consistent pressure/stress certainly provided motivation to grind. The GMAT external accountability existed in the form of a score that would be shared on my application as well as with my family and friends.

With all of my projects/”businesses” I know that I can simply move on to the next one with no consequences. I have tried to artificially create external accountability (via this blog and email), but that clearly hasn’t worked.

An ex-hedge fund manager, Hugh Hendry, once commented on the difference between managing solely his own money vs managing external capital. He felt that with external capital, his investors constantly pushed a metaphorical pencil into his shoulder blade, and he always felt that unrelenting pressure. That pencil kept him sharp and weary, alert to risk at all times. Although uncomfortable, that pencil forced him to operate at his highest capabilities. When he shifted to managing only personal capital, that pencil disappeared and he could not find a way to replicate it.

I think my life experience to-date suggests I perform at my best when I feel external pressure. I hope this is not the case as I would like to believe I am driven by intrinsic motivation, but the data I have suggests otherwise.

If I presume my conclusion to be true, perhaps the logical thing to do now is to raise some outside money for Manly Nuts and hopefully rekindle the fire that I dearly miss. So….who’s in?!?