Why I Quit My Job

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Theodore Roosevelt – The Man in the Arena

I quit my job this past September. It was the only job I held since graduating from college. I worked at the company for about four years. Unfortunately I did not document my resignation thought process in real time (starting to understand the benefits of journaling…), so this post is an attempt to reconstruct my thinking at the time of departure (hopefully without too much revisionist history) and to reflect on the decision now that I am several months removed.

During the months leading to my resignation, I continually told myself that I craved “freedom”. At the time “freedom” meant relief from the perpetual stress that inundated my professional life. I checked my phone every ten minutes (from dawn till dusk) to see if I needed to respond to a message in our group IM chat. I was afraid to venture away from my desk for more than fifteen minutes. I squeezed in early morning (6am) or late night (7-8pm) workouts. I realize these stress-inducing aspects of my previous working life are not bad relative to many other jobs (not even going to get into how lucky I am in terms of my familial/geographic/epoch birthright), but I only get one life as far as I know, so why settle? Four years into my career my role hadn’t changed within my group’s hierarchy (grow or die!). I didn’t have autonomy – I was an analyst and made recommendations but not decisions! I kept on telling myself I wanted to be the man in the arena, and I felt I would never achieve that as an analyst. I had a “good job” but felt I was wasting my life.

My perspective now, 4 months later.

There is no path and there are no rules. I now see my life as a big game. It won’t matter over the course of eternity. I actually find this semi-nihilistic perspective very positive and freeing. There is no correct way to play the game and ultimately I have to create meaning for myself (everyone should read Viktor Frankl – Man’s Search for Meaning). What do I want my life to look like? What’s most important to me? How and with whom do I want to spend my time? Jeff Bezos uses a tool to make important life decisions that he calls his “regret minimization framework”. When a big decision arises, he imagines he is eighty years old and reflecting back on his life. He tries to make the decision that will minimize his regret in old age. This framework ultimately led him to leave his job at a hedge fund and found Amazon. As of now, I don’t regret leaving my job. I don’t think I will regret it in five years, or fifty, so it appears leaving was the correct decision. Yes, at some point I will need to make more money, but right now I’m totally focused on exploring the world and myself (can’t believe I just wrote that). I’m currently a possession-lite, nomad striving to explore new places, meet new people, broaden my horizons, and grow as a person.

Time will illuminate if resigning was the correct decision, and I’m looking forward to revisiting this post in five years.